


I’m building a still to slow down the time.

by iwantchocopie (hyemiyah)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Brief mentions of death., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 12:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4745567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyemiyah/pseuds/iwantchocopie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Baekhyun moved out of his and Jongdae’s flat, he didn’t expect Jongdae to call him every night, even if the reception was awful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’m building a still to slow down the time.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for baektobaek and posted [here](http://baektobaek.livejournal.com/19270.html).

 

 

“How terrible it is when you say I love you and the person at the other end shouts back ‘What?’” _Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters_ by J.D. Salinger.

 

 

  
"Hello," Jongdae shouts at the other end. "Baekhyun?"  
  
"Dude, I can hear you," Baekhyun mutters into his phone. He thinks of Jongdae being anxious about the call not getting through and smiles. "Don't shout."  
  
"Baekhyun?" Jongdae asks, his voice nasal. It's whinier than usual, meaning he's annoyed. "This reception _sucks._ "  
  
"I'm here," Baekhyun says. He can hear Jongdae just fine; he can even hear him shuffling. Jongdae probably got out of bed in search of better reception—though Baekhyun is sure Jongdae has no clue how sound waves work. There's a loud thud and some weird noises Baekhyun can't recognise. Jongdae curses under his breathe. Baekhyun smiles again.  
  
"Ouch." Jongdae must have hit something with his foot. "Dammit. I can't see a thing."  
  
"Are you wearing your glasses?" Jongdae always forgets to put on his glasses. "You always forget to put them on when you take your contacts o-"  
  
"Baekhyun?" Jongdae's voice at the other end of the line cuts him off. "Are you there? I can't hear or see, and I just hit my toe against the corner of the bed. I'm _dying._  
  
"I said!" Baekhyun lets out an annoying sigh. He hates telephone companies and their _awful_ services. "Are you wearing your glasses? You know you can't see shit wit-"  
  
"Ugh," Jongdae protests. "I can't understand what you're saying. All I hear is some static and then your _kimchi_ radish voice. But I can't make out the words." Jongdae grows quiet all of a sudden. Baekhyun wonders where exactly Jongdae is. _Is he sitting on the living room couch? Is he still in his room?_ Jongdae sighs then adds in a quiet voice, "Why did you have to move to the freaking _woods_?" It comes out almost like a whisper, as if he were talking to himself because he must think Baekhyun can't hear him either. A big wave of loneliness wraps Baekhyun's heart, and he wonders if it's his own nostalgia he's feeling, or Jongdae's.  
  
Baekhyun rubs his face with his free hand. His throat feels dry. Jongdae's voice is so clear and full and Baekhyun can hear it so wonderfully. Why can't Jongdae hear Baekhyun's voice, too? "I didn't move to the woods." Baekhyun walks into the kitchen and presses the phone between his shoulder and his cheek to pour himself a glass of milk. "I'm actually not that far from the ctiy. It's so quiet here. You'd like it. You love quietness." That's why you don't _love_ me.  
  
"What? This connection is _terrible._ " There's frustration in Jongdae's voice; Baekhyun can hear it loud and clear. Baekhyun has always been the loud one, even if his voice is muffled by Jongdae's whines sometimes. He has always been the weak one, the immature one, the messy one. Jongdae has always been in control--of his emotions, of his temperament, _of Baekhyun._ But right now Jongdae sounds like a spoiled child, one who’s bored all alone in his flat and needs to tell Baekhyun how bored he feels. How it's all Baekhyun's fault for moving out. "I feel like you're trying to tell me something important and I'm going to miss it because of this damn telephone reception."  
  
In all honesty, Baekhyun does want to tell Jongdae something important. His editor didn't force him to move to the woods, but it isn’t as if Baekhyun would have been able to meet the deadline if he stayed in his and Jongdae's flat either.  
  
It happened like this: one evening, Baekhyun sat at the living room table, his laptop opened on a blank document. He had been trying all day to find inspiration; his deadline was nearing and he hadn't even started anything. He only needed to write a short story, his editor, Kim Junmyeon, had told him. Baekhyun was free to choose the topic. But he had no idea what to write about; he had tried on a couple of ideas he had in mind only to make disgusted faces while trying to write the first few paragraphs. Then he heard the door unlock and Jongdae whining about it being too hot outside.  
  
"I got you a bowl of _naengmyeon_ , Baek," Jongdae said. "And yes, I told the _ahjumma_ to leave the cucumbers out."  
  
Baekhyun could only hear him, since Jongdae kept shouting from the entrance, but Baekhyun’s heart started to beat faster and louder. And when Jongdae _finally_ finished taking out his shoes and walked into the living room, Baekhyun found he couldn't meet his eyes.  
  
When he got the courage to look up and thank Jongdae properly, their eyes met and Baekhyun felt himself flush bright red.  
  
So when Junmyeon suggested Baekhyun spent a couple of weeks out of town. _”Somewhere quiet, and desolate, if possible.”_ Baekhyun welcomed the idea with open arms. He found it impossible to write in the flat he shared with Jongdae. Even if Jongdae spent most of the day working, the flat was filled with him—his scent, his books, that horrendous mug his students had made him for teacher's day. _Everything_ in the flat had memories of Jongdae. No matter how much Baekhyun told his heart to calm down and remember it was nerdy Kim Jongdae; it still beat furiously against his ribs. He needed to get away. Maybe spending some time away from Jongdae would be good. Maybe things—namely himself—would go back to normal.  
  
Except as soon as Baekhyun got to his new place—a small cabin somewhere in Miryang, an hour away from the nearest city—he got a call from Jongdae. And he kept getting calls from him every single night without fail. Even if the reception was shit and Jongdae could only hear half of what Baekhyun said.  
  
"Hey Baek," Jongdae's voice refocuses Baekhyun. The glass of milk is still full in his hand. "Were you reading Salinger when you left? Did you finish this book?" Jongdae is in Baekhyun's room. Baekhyun had left a copy of _Nine Stories_ on his bedside table. "Is it any good? I didn't particularly like Holden Caulfield; he just spent the entire book complaining and whining."  
  
" _You_ spend your entire life complaining and whining." Baekhyun walks the few steps that separate the kitchen area from the bedroom area, turns on the ancient TV he borrowed from his landlord, puts it on mute, and sits down on his futon. He tries not to sound too anxious about finding out Jongdae is in his room back in Seoul. Does he miss him that much?  
  
"I heard that," Jongdae says. Baekhyun can hear the smile on his voice. Though he doesn't know if Jongdae is smiling because of Baekhyun's diss or because he can finally _hear him._ "So is this any good?"  
  
"I liked it better than _Catcher._ " Baekhyun doesn't like Holden that much, either. But that'd mean he'd have to agree with Jongdae, and that'd be weird. Their entire relationship is based on them not agreeing with each other. "I think you'll like John Smith."  
  
"Why?"  
  
_Because he's an idiot,_ Baekhyun wants to say. _He's an idiot, and he reminds me of myself._ But he can't say that because that'd make Jongdae disagree with him. Instead he says, "Because I hated him," and hopes Jongdae likes him as much as he did. As narcissistic as it sounds. John Smith was like that, too.  
  
"I suppose I could like him, then," Jongdae says, his voice filled with amusement. Baekhyun is sure Jongdae already likes the character and can't help but smile. The thought of Jongdae liking John Smith, hence liking Baekhyun—since they're very alike, according to Baekhyun himself—makes Baekhyun smile.  
  
"I can't believe you haven't read _Nine Stories_ ," Baekhyun's voice cracks a little. He shifts, lays on his stomach, and hopes Jongdae doesn't notice he's a little nervous. And even if he does—because Jongdae notices _everything_ —Baekhyun hopes Jongdae doesn't notice he is the reason why he's nervous. The idea of Jongdae being able to finally hear his voice is making Baekhyun self-conscious. "I thought Salinger was your favourite writer." It's true, Jongdae's man crush on J.D. makes Baekhyun jealous sometimes. Even though Jongdae doesn't read that much (or at least not as much as Baekhyun.)  
  
"The asshole who borrowed it from the library hasn't returned it in like _forever_. I had no idea you owned a copy. You never told me," Jongdae whines. By some miracle, he's actually hearing Baekhyun at the other end of the line tonight. "And whoever told you Salinger was my favourite writer was wrong." Then, in a softer voice, one that makes Baekhyun miss him so much it hurts. " _You_ are my favourite writer."  
  
This takes Baekhyun by surprise, but Jongdae does things like this from time to time. It's incredibly unfair. Baekhyun can't take it anymore. "Really?" He says, feeling his heart in his throat. He turns and faces the ceiling, but there aren't any answers written there so he sits up, crosses his legs, moves his knees up and down impatiently, then stands up. He starts changing channels even though he's not paying attention to what's on. When he finds an old episode of _Running Man_ , he sits down, crosses his legs, and moves his knees up and down again.  
  
"Of course you are. We're best friends; you're supposed to be _my person._ " Baekhyun deflates at this. He should have never let Jongdae convince him to watch _Grey's Anatomy_ together. He should have never told Jongdae they were like Cristina and Meredith. "You were not supposed to move to the woods, stupid."  
  
_'And I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you.'_ Baekhyun wants to say. It's so hard not to fall in love with someone who is constantly flirting with you, even if that same person is also flirting with basically everyone he knows or meets, or even random strangers that need help. Jongdae has the whole world at his feet. Baekhyun is miles away, but if Jongdae were to ask him to come back, Baekhyun wouldn’t hesitate. He would probably run to the bus stop to get on the first KTX bound for Seoul.  
  
Baekhyun remembers a particular incident that happened right before he moved. They were sitting on their couch, watching an old movie, when they started to argue about something unimportant—about whose turn was to wash the dishes, or to take the laundry to the laundromat. But at one point their arguing started to turn slightly physical. Jongdae shoved his elbow into Baekhyun's side while he laughed and Baekhyun has never wanted to kiss someone so badly. He wanted to kiss Jongdae's long eyelashes, every one of his moles. He wanted to pin Jongdae down on the couch and whisper sweet nothings into his ear. Tell him how, to Baekhyun, he was beautiful in every sense of the word.  
  
Instead, Baekhyun admitted defeat and washed the dishes and took the laundry to the laundromat. When he got home he found Jongdae sleeping on the couch, waiting for him. His glasses were slowly sliding off his face. Baekhyun took the glasses carefully, folded them, and put them aside. Hoping the entire time that the loud pounding of his heart didn't wake Jongdae up.  
  
"Baek?" Jongdae says at the end of the line, "are you there? Is this dumbass reception acting up again?" Baekhyun hears Jongdae cursing under his breath.  
  
"I'm here." Baekhyun takes the glass of milk from his bedside table and gulps it down. His stomach welcomes the drink, but it also lets Baekhyun know it won't be enough by grumbling loudly. He should have made _ramyeon_. If he were in his and Jongdae's flat, he'd have convinced Jongdae to make some for him, feigning weakness due to starvation. Jongdae would have just rolled his eyes and head to the kitchen to put the water to boil.  
  
"Did you eat?" Jongdae might as well be reading Baekhyun's mind. "You're always too lazy to cook something for yourself whenever you're on your own. Are you eating properly, Baekhyun-ah?"  
  
"Yes, mum," Baekhyun says in a boring manner, but he's smiling from ear to ear.  
  
"I mean it. I don't want you fainting over there; God knows what you'd do. I mean, what would you even do? You wouldn’t be able to do anything because you'd be unconscious."  
  
Baekhyun laughs at this. He's missed this side of Jongdae—the concerned side, the motherly side, the coming up with ridiculous situations and rambling stupidly out of worry. "I saw a dead fox on the side of the road the other day." Jongdae's little rambling reminded Baekhyun of something that happened a couple of days ago. "I had gone to the library and had no idea the bus stops running at 8 here, so I had to take a taxi. The driver just kept talking and driving, probably because it's common to see dead animals on the side of the road here."  
  
This incident has left a deep wound in Baekhyun, deeper than he'd like to admit. He wanted to stop the car to take the small animal's body and give it a proper burial. The driver didn't pay any attention to it, and that made Baekhyun felt an immense heaviness in his heart, as if he were all alone in the world. And in a way, he was. He just wanted to go back home to Seoul, to Jongdae, to tell him how much he hated the human race; how despicable and selfish they all were. How in an attempt to get away from the noise of the city, they built houses, occupied forests, and then when they start feeling lonely and crave for human contact, they build roads and towns, destroying nature and animal habitats. It's as if they think they own the entire planet. That they can do whatever they please with it and all living things that occupy it that can't talk. Jongdae stays quiet, so Baekhyun keeps going. "That little fox could have had a family. Maybe his kids are waiting for him. We couldn't even stop to pick up the body. It was the freaking highway."  
  
"You sound like you need a hug," Jongdae says in what Baekhyun calls his 'teacher's voice'.  
  
He does. Baekhyun truly needs a hug. It's been almost a month since he moved to Miryang and so far he hasn't been able to write anything. He's started tons of stories; he even tried to write his landlord's biography. But he's hated everything. There was no heart in any of the things he started writing.  
  
One morning Baekhyun woke up and realised he had left his heart with Jongdae, back in Seoul. "Write what you know," Junmyeon hyung had told him. But what can Baekhyun do, when everything he knows is Jongdae.  
  
"Is this funny to you?" Baekhyun snaps. If he were honest with himself, he'd recognise he's taking his frustration on Jongdae, who is only trying to help and who calls him every night not only because he's bored, but because he's worried about Baekhyun.  
  
But Baekhyun moved to this godforsaken town to be _away_ from Jongdae, to sort out his feelings. Jongdae shouldn't be calling Baekhyun every night, not when Baekhyun is trying to forget about kissing him and cuddling him and maybe even holding his hand, _romantically_.  
  
"I'm sorry for trying to make you feel better," Jongdae retaliates. "Is not like you didn't sound super depressed all alone over there in the middle of nowhere. Sorry I showed that I cared."  
  
"Oh shut up! Why do you call me all the time?" Baekhyun knows how much of an asshole he can be sometimes. This is one of those times. He kicks the trash can out of anger, but he quickly catches it before it falls on the floor and spills all the garbage, almost dropping the phone in this attempt. But even if he dropped it, he'd still be able to hear Jongdae yelling at the other side of the line.  
  
"Wow, you _jerk_! I can't believe I wasted my time worrying about you. I'm not calling you from now on. You can just bury dead foxes and cry about their little fox family all you want. I'm not going to fucking offer you a fucking hug ever again."  
  
Jongdae barely ever gets pissed off. He gets annoyed and whines; sometimes he gets very annoyed and complains, but he has never lashed out at Baekhyun like this. Suddenly, Baekhyun has a horrible sinking feeling. Maybe Jongdae doesn't call Baekhyun every night to check on him. Maybe Jongdae calls Baekhyun because he truly misses him, because he feels lonely. Maybe Jongdae has problems of his own and, since Baekhyun is his best friend and roommate, he expected Baekhyun to be there for him. But Baekhyun left and now Jongdae had no one to talk to. No one to come home to.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jongdae-yah."  
  
"What!? I can't hear you, goddamn this stupid reception!"  
  
"I said," Baekhyun says, louder. He's basically yelling. "I'm sorry!"  
  
"Are you insulting me!? You are, aren't you!? You'd have the nerves to fight over something so stupi--"  
  
"I love you!" Baekhyun screams, so loud he's closed his eyes and holds the phone under his mouth so Jongdae can hear him.  
  
A miserable eternity later, Jongdae says, "What? I can't hear a damn thing!"  
  
Baekhyun can't believe how long he's wanted to say this to him. He even had to move to a remote town to muster up the courage to get the words out of his mouth. This so fucking ridiculous. "I love you," he says quickly, before his mind catches up with his mouth. He's still pretty much yelling, but he has the phone pressed to his ear, scared he'll miss Jongdae's answer. This is not the way he'd picture himself confessing to his best friend, though. But then again, they have such a screwed up way to do things.  
  
Jongdae doesn't say anything for another eternity. Baekhyun realises he's holding the glass so tight his knuckles are white. The TV is still on, though there's another programme on, one Baekhyun can't identify. Maybe it's a new drama, or a movie. Then comes Jongdae's voice, "What?"  
  
"I love you, you idiot. I'm in love with you. How many times are you going to make me say it?"  
  
"Oh," Jongdae says. Baekhyun immediately colours, realising Jongdae did hear him this time. Baekhyun has often fantasised about Jongdae's reaction to him confessing his feelings, but he never imagined it'd be like this. What kind of reaction is 'oh'. "Is this why you moved to the woods?"  
  
_Yes,_ Baekhyun thinks. Though, he knows Jongdae has already figured everything out. He's his person, too, after all. "Y-yes..."  
  
Jongdae laughs at this. Baekhyun's heart almost combusts. He thinks his heart could set the entire town on fire with the way it's burning.  
  
"You are _such an idiot,_ " Jongdae says, still laughing a little. "Come back home. I miss you. I can't believe you had to move to the freaking woods to tell me this."  
  
"Does this mean you love me, too?" Baekhyun asks. He feels like he could run all the way to Seoul, to his and Jongdae's apartment.  
  
"Yes, dumbass. I thought you knew. Now just come home."  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> 1\. The title comes from Bon Iver’s _Woods._  
>  2\. Miryang is a city in Gyeongsangnam-do, south east of South Korea.  
> 3\. _Nine Stories_ is a compilation of short stories written by J.D. Salinger.  
>  4\. Holden Caulfield is the main character and narrator of _The Catcher in The Rye._  
>  5\. John Smith is the main character and narrator of _De Daumier-Smith’s Blue Period._ You’ll find this story in _Nine Stories._  
>  6\. _Running Man_ is a South Korean variety TV show.  
>  7\. _“You’re my person.”_ Is a quote from an episode of the second season of Grey’s Anatomy.  
>  8\. Cristina Yang and Meredith Grey are characters of _Grey’s Anatomy._
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you Alicia, alwaysalwaysalways. You are my person.


End file.
